April '25 - 4 of 4

Having good friends of the opposite sex ! Not a lot of my male friends have female friends - but I highly recommend it - they add so much.

“My plan for 4 of 4 for April is to write about my female friends who have been and continue to be such an important part of my life - like my male friends, they have also been so important in helping me navigate 2024 and now 2025 and the way forward - I love them too.”

I am lucky to have two really good female friends - I have known both for over 25 years and one for over 30 years.

Even though we have not been in regular contact during this span of time, they both helped me a lot in 2024 after my almost 18 year marriage fell apart and I needed friends around me to support me and get me through that time.

They were both so helpful, in a different way to my two closest male friends - they were both able to share their own stories and what was happening in their life and the process and tools they were using to help them get through their own difficult personal situation.

And they were both great listeners - so important.

What I find remarkable is that they not only helped me get through my bad days in 2024 but now I’m living back in England and moving forward with a new life, they have both become close friends who I speak/message with regularly. One lives close by and so I see her most weeks for a coffee/lunch and my other friend lives near London and so whenever I’m in London, we try to meet up. And she has already been to me for lunch.

Both of these friends are so precious to me, I love that we are in much more regular contact and love their friendship - they give me a slightly different perspective on life and they are both very open about their lives and I feel so comfortable sharing my life with them too. And as my life takes on a new shape as 2025 evolves, they continue to be great listeners and help me move forward. They both know me very well and I respect any advice they give me as a new, completely unexpected and deep friendship is forming & evolving. They have both been so supportive and I love having them as friends - people who I can share with, listen to and hopefully support them too.

I am so grateful for so many things - friends being one of them.

I’ve asked myself what is the common factor when I form deep friendships ? On reflection, I can see that with my closest friends, there was an immediate connection. I probably wasn’t aware of it at the time, but when I look back, there was a certain energy between us that made us comfortable with each other and then as you get to know each other better, the friendship grows.

Just to end this post, a male friend of mine asked me recently about the dynamics of having female friends - he had two real questions ? 1. Did I ‘fancy’ any of them or did they ‘fancy’ me and 2. did I see an issue with having female friends from the perspective of a ‘partner’ ?

These questions came from a guy who doesn’t have female friends ! It says a lot I think.

To any guys reading this, who do not have female friends, you are missing out ! In my experience, they add value to my life in ways that male friends don’t. And to answer his questions - it’s very simple - they are ‘friends’ - real friends and not romantic partners. And a ‘partner’ is a trusted friend and so there should not be any issue with me having female friends and the opposite is also the case, if my ‘partner’ has male friends, that’s perfectly fine. A ‘partner’ is a best friend, the relationship is built on radical honesty and trust. If it’s not, what actually is it ?

So, thank you to all of my friends - both male & female. This life would not be what it is and as rich, without you.

This is my last post in April about my reflections on friends - I will be posting something new in May. Not sure what that will be yet, but maybe something linked to my word of the year - ‘freedom’.