Is my life 'perfect' ? Have I got this cracked ?

A mid year reflection

We are almost at mid summer - the longest day for us in the northern hemisphere and I’m keen to not lose track of where I’ve come from, where I am today and where I want my life to go.

For those of you following me on here for a while will know that life this time last year was pretty horrendous - a certain ‘dark knight of the soul’ - meaning a crisis of faith - ‘where was God in what was unfolding in front of me?’ and the most difficult period of my life without question.

But, 13 and almost 14 months later, I can look back on this period of my life as a time of ‘cleansing’ - my soul, my spirit, my mind and my body. Deep work was and is needed to bring me back to the person I am meant to be - my true authentic self.

Being honest with myself and you, I lost myself in a life that was meant to be a ‘dream’ - moving from England to the south of France, with my wife, was a long held desire and we finally did it. But 8 years later it all imploded big time and my life was never going to be the same again.

The south of France is still there and I will visit for sure - planning a trip next summer already - and I could live there again but I’d certainly do it differently the next time.

My life is so different this June from June last year - and I am eternally grateful for that. So many lessons learnt and I continue to learn so that I will never lose myself again. One of the most important lessons I’ve learnt is about self love - if I don’t love myself first and in every way possible, how can I show up in this world as my true authentic self and give love & support to my family & friends ? Loving myself first is one of life’s true ‘win win’ situations. I get to win as loving me ensures I understand myself and can show up in life without any compromises that leads to unhappiness. Knowing myself well and continuing to understand ‘me’ is part of my life’s journey now. Having hard boundaries and knowing when a no is a no are really important parts of my life now. Never again will I compromise to an extent that makes my life unhappy & miserable. I want to live a life full of abundance (health & wealth), excitement, and joy. I want to laugh every day ! I want to have a close circle of very good friends so we can laugh together, share our life story with and support in all of the ways.

And if I achieve this goal, then my friends and family benefit too. They get a version of me that is loving and supportive - in whatever is going on for them too.

This is the life I want to live and every day is a step forward.

Is my life ‘perfect’ ? Certainly not and this is not the objective - ‘perfection’ doesn’t ever exist as there is always a higher level.

But, aiming to have the most ‘perfect’ life possible is a good objective to have and then break it down into parts so that you focus on the process daily and not just on the destination - it’s the journey that’s important.

As we’ve all probably heard many times, if the objective was to reach the top of the mountain, why walk up the mountain, it would be so much easier to take a helicopter ! The challenge is the walk with the destination as the overall goal but the process of walking is where the focus should be.

That’s certainly my approach now - my daily walk through this life is focused around me first, a deeper understanding of me and the life I want to live.

I’ve also written about ‘freedom’ on here and what that means to me. I want to be free of any ‘scars’ so that I understand them and can recognise them and the thoughts & actions that they could create.

I have my daily practices of sitting in silence, meditation, journaling, exercise and eating healthily - plus I have regular sessions with a psychologist to help me go deeper on any issues that come up. I have a close network of loving friends. I am building bridges with some members of my family. And I’m building a new business to support the life I want to lead.

My life is not ‘perfect’ but after going through my own ‘dark knight of the soul’, has ‘cleansed’ me in so many ways and I continue to be cleansed. Life is not perfect, but that’s not the goal but my life day to day is getting better each day and I am so grateful for so many things in my life now that were missing 13/14 months ago - and probably for a number of years before that.

I write this from Toronto on a Saturday morning, the sun is shining - it’s a beautiful day in so many ways - thank you x