The intention to change, grow and create a new me !

Is this possible ?

Change is never easy - but change is inevitable as change happens all around us and to us all of the time. But making a decision to change something about me is a commitment that I am making. I’ve been seeing a psychologist for over 4 years and this has helped me to understand me better and I can see and feel visible changes in me - for the better.

But I’m keen to explore me deeper and to really become the most authentic version of me possible. I firmly believe I am alive on planet Earth for a reason and I want to explore this further and to live the life I am here for.

Getting to know me and then showing up in every situation as my authentic self is a commitment I’ve made and will continue to make to myself.

I want this for me and of course for all of my human relationships - family, friends, work colleagues, the planet, furry friends and everyone I come into contact with each and every day.

My marriage breakdown back in early 2024 was a huge blow to me - I never thought that would happen and when it did, I was shocked and so blown off course I didn’t know what to do with the new reality - my life changed in a second. One day I get up out of bed with my now ex wife lying beside me and the same day, she’s gone and I go to bed on my own.

I knew something was not right but I was completely devastated by the news I received from my then wife as we sat in our garden having tea ! My world was shattered and turned upside down. The news I received and then continued to receive over the next few weeks and months only confirmed that this was not going to be something I could fix. My world was shattered forever !

We had moved to the south of France 8 years earlier and lived the dream - we bought a very old property and spent 5 years renovating it into the family home we wanted. Our family had also expanded with the gift of a grandson - the plans had to change to accommodate him too.

So, my life was changed forever in an instance and I was so unprepared and hurt by the betrayal and what had happened to me, I spent the next few months in a complete state of shock and just getting out of bed in the morning (after a sleepless night - and often nights of journaling for hours on end) was an almighty effort.

Getting showered and dressed and making something to eat were positive steps forward.

The whole experience was horrendous and although I’m in a much better place emotionally, I am not ‘healed’ and maybe never will be. But, from that place of brokenness, I vowed to myself, that my past will not hold me captive and it will not define me - I will learn the life lessons from it and will commit to learning more about me so that I will never experience that again and I will live the life I desire - full of love, kindness, joy, laughter - and when the hard things come into my life, and as sure as the sun sets at night and rises again in the morning, hard things will cross my path, but I will be much more secure in myself and will be able to deal with them in a calm manner.

I have been following

Mark Groves

on here for a while and was recently introduced to his podcast - Liberated Love - which I’m addicted to. I think it’s 14 chapters and 9 hours of listening - I listened to almost all of it last Sunday and will listen to the remaining chapter this weekend. There is so much great stuff in here that it’s something I need to go back over and complete the exercises fully.

But, it’s been so enlightening for me - I recognise me in so many ways and to be honest, it’s been a hard listening experience - it’s brought me to tears many times as I recognise the ‘old’ me and how my behaviour has contributed to my ex marriage and relationships. Shining the light on so many areas of my life has really impacted me.

But, it’s all great news - I do not want to stay as I was and then show up in this world as the person I was - making the same mistakes and wondering why some relationships fall apart or do not function as smoothly as I’d like.

As Mark and his wife say on the podcast - making the commitment and having the intention to change, grow and create relationships is a huge step forward - being open to do the work and explore in depth the areas of my life where I need to ‘heal’ is a commitment I am making to myself for myself. As they also say, you do this for yourself but not in isolation, we as humans crave relationships and so I know I want to do this work for me so that I feel secure and grounded and loved in myself, I also want to do this for all of my relationships - family, friends, work colleagues, the planet, furry friends and everyone I meet during each day.

Stay tuned as I continue to do this work and I’ll report on anything I learn about me and how I intend to move forward - this is not a quick fix, we are hard wired and so we have to accept that change could be slow and may take a while but as long as I’m committed and making progress, I’m in and believe this is part of my life’s journey now - there will always be room for improvement.

Thank you for reading.

K